Pain Is Pleasure
by dk-joy
Summary: Ban likes pain. Ginji does not understand, but gives it to him anyway to fulfill his promise. Eventually Ban will change, right? Dark yaoi, GinjixBanxGinji.


Disclaimer: I don't own Get Backers and I don't make any money from this.

Warnings: some OOCness, doesn't occur at any particular point in the series. Dark. Yaoi (Ginji x Ban (xGinji?)), past rape/dark sexual relationships (Akabane/others x Ban). Ban and Ginji are kinda messed up mentally, but you already knew that. Kind of a smut fest. Heh. Probably not the darkest thing I've ever written, but it feels like it right now…

Summary: Ban likes pain. Ginji doesn't understand, but gives it to him anyway, to fulfill his promise. Eventually Ban will change, right?

Pain Is Pleasure

Ban had that look in his eyes again. Like life had no meaning. Like he wanted to end it all without leaving a trace of himself behind. The blond approached his best friend, dreading what would almost certainly happen tonight. The somewhat shorter man turned toward Ginji, eyes blank for a second before a little bit of his normal spark shone through.

"Yo," he greeted simply, pushing purple-tinted glasses higher onto his nose. Brilliant blue-violet eyes gazed at Ginji and brown gravity-defying hair moved slightly in the breeze.

Uncharacteristically quiet, Ginji merely nodded. A genuine sadness filled Ban's eyes when Ginji finally spoke.

"Ban-chan, are you all right?" Ginji asked.

Ban could only grasp his friend's shoulder lightly, before replying in the only way he could.

"I'm sorry."

Ginji nodded again, acknowledging his friend's unspoken request. Ban gripped his shoulder a little tighter in a silent gesture of thanks and walked away, leaving Ginji the rest of the day to mentally prepare himself.

Ginji didn't complain about wasting money when Ban rented a cheap motel room that night. Sleeping in a bed was always nice and the prospect of doing what Ban wanted him to do in the car where people could SEE it made Ginji sick to his stomach. Not that he liked doing this even without an audience.

Ginji wanted to be happy that Ban was positively glowing now, no longer the melancholy man he was this morning, but knowing the cause, he couldn't even dredge up a fake smile. Ban opened the door to their room to reveal a king-sized bed (and not much else). Ginji and Ban put the small bags they had with them down. Ginji tried to put a little cheer into his voice.

"Ban-chan, want something to drink?"

Ban didn't answer. He just started unbuttoning his long white shirt. Ginji sighed and took his vest off. Ban was suddenly behind him, hugging him tightly in one of his fitful displays of affection.

"Thank you."

Ginji squeezed his hand. "Get on the bed."

Ban sighed happily and walked to the bed as he continued stripping. The last things to come off were his glasses. He sprawled on his back in all his naked glory, giving Ginji a heated glance before closing his eyes and turning his head, one of the few times he was sensitive to Ginji's modesty. After undressing quickly, the blond stepped over to his bag and grabbed a small jar of Vaseline.

"Don't," said Ban, eyes still closed. "Don't want it, don't need it."

"But Ban-chan, I don't want to hurt you!"

Ban opened his eyes to glare, but sighed and said "use something water-based. That Vaseline crap takes forever to wash off."

The blond nodded and grabbed the tube of lubricant, putting it on the bed-side table next to Ban's glasses and climbed onto the bed. Straddling Ban, he slowly lowered himself until his half-hard member lightly brushed the brunette's entrance. Ban moaned, opened his legs further, and tried to guide Ginji inside. The blond pulled away and spoke in a deep voice that made Ban shiver with anticipation.

"Midou-kun. Do you want this or not?"

"Yes," he replied simply.

Ginji grabbed Ban by the hair and kissed him, thrusting his tongue down the other man's throat, tightening his thighs to keep Ban from thrusting his hips.

"Midou-kun, do you like this?" he asked.

"Y-yes!" was the breathless reply.

"Is this enough?"

"No."

"Then what do you want?"

Ginji hated himself for the surge of lust he felt when Ban looked deep into his eyes, nearly begging with that look, and said, "I want your cock deep inside of me. Please, Amano-sama!"

The former Thunder Emporer leaned down and licked Ban's neck, then suddenly moved his head lower and viciously bit a nipple. Ban cried out, his voice a distressing mixture of pain and pleasure.

Ginji sat up again, reaching for the lube when Ban made a sound of disgust.

"Now Ban-ch… I mean Midou-kun. This isn't about what you want, is it?"

Ban shook his head, chastised, and relaxed.

Ginji squirted a generous amount of lube onto his hand and applied it to his cock, blushing when Ban watched him breathlessly, legs parting a little more and cock swelling to reach his full length.

"Are you ready for this, Midou-kun?"

"Yes!"

Without warning, Ginji thrust into Ban, sheathing himself fully. Ginji froze at the look of intense pain on Ban's face.

"B-Ban-chan?" Ban seemed to snap out of it and wrapped his legs around Ginji's waist.

"Please continue, Amano-sama."

Hating the stupid things Ban insisted they call each other during these little encounters, Ginji pulled almost completely out, then slammed back into Ban's tight body. The brunette didn't move or make any sounds the first few times Ginji thrust into him, but then he tightened his legs around the blond's waist and rose up to meet him. Ginji growled and pulled out, then grabbed Ban by the shoulder and flipped him onto his stomach. He resumed without so much as a pause.

A few thrusts later, he ground out, "Midou-kun!"

"Y-yes, Amano-sama?" Ban answered between thrusts that rubbed his cock against the rough bed sheets, exciting him to new heights of arousal.

"Bite the pillow" Ginji barked.

Ban didn't reply, just acted on the command. Ginji leaned down and sunk his teeth into Ban's shoulder, nearly drawing blood. This, along with the controlled increased force and speed of the blond's thrusts caused Ban to cry out against the pillow.

Ginji didn't know what he himself was feeling. Was he aroused or sickened by his friend's odd desires? It didn't really matter. He was only doing this for Ban. Fortifying himself with thoughts of the alternatives Ban could turn to, and had turned to in the past, Ginji prepared to finish the brunette off.

He took a deep breath, grasped Ban's hips so he couldn't move, and pounded into him. When he felt Ban start to tense up and felt his inner muscles tightening, close to release, Ginji immediately moved his hands. One went to Ban's chest, pinching and twisting his nipple, while the other yanked Ban's head back by his hair.

Ginji leaned down and whispered, "come for me, Midou-kun" before sinking his teeth into the back of Ban's neck. The brunette screamed as he immediately and forcefully came, soaking the sheets under him.

Ginji pulled out before Ban got a chance to realize that his erection had died when he tasted blood. It had been at that same moment that Ban had felt such complete pleasure. Knowing this left the blond feeling disconnected from life, probably a similar feeling to what Ban felt this morning when he'd apologized for his needs/wants/desires but asked for them anyway. Ginji just didn't know what he could ask Ban to do that would fill this gap in his life. Ban was lucky – he knew what he needed to make himself happy.

The ex-Volts leader tried to use the quiet moments after Ban's intense orgasm to gather his mental strength and prepare himself for the inevitable second, and even third, rounds.

Ginji still didn't understand why Ban wanted this kind of thing done to him. Why the domination, depersonalization, and pain? Wasn't there something else that could make him feel whole? Ginji hoped he found something else soon, otherwise the emptiness that Ban felt would transfer to him and there would be nothing to make him feel whole again. If that happened, would the Thunder Emperor come again to shield him from his own pain?

Hurting Ban-chan wasn't something Ginji ever wanted to do, but there was no choice. After the kind of things Ban had searched for and received in the past, this was the only alternative that would satisfy both of them. Ginji didn't ever want to see Ban-chan as hurt as he had been then, and Ban didn't want to see Ginji as hurt as he had been. Their promise had been the only way to resolve the issue. The blond had to keep telling himself that. Otherwise, he would go insane.

He'd hurt so many people in the past. He hadn't meant to, but no matter what he did, it seemed like something would go wrong and someone else would get hurt because of him. When he was at Infinite Castle, people died in front of him. When he left, people died. When he came back, people died. There was never anything he could do.

Ah! That explained it. Ban must have a similar, but different problem. People were always after him. They either thought he was a demon to be extinguished, a useful tool in some diabolical scheme or other, or they thought he had killed someone they loved. How that caused this kind of want/need/desire in Ban, he didn't know, but he thought that he understood it a little better now.

Ban finally stirred, his breathing having evened out. Ginji had moved to sit on the side of the bed. The brunette's hand rose to gently trace patterns on his best friend's back.

"Ginji?"

Ah. So he was in one of THOSE moods. The ones where he begged to be hurt one minute and was willing to do anything to soothe Ginji's pain the next. Ban was hard to deal with when he was like this. He would insist on making sure that Ginji had several orgasms, no matter how empty they felt to the ex-Volts leader. Not that he had ever told Ban how he felt about this. The brunette seemed to understand him on a deeper level than anyone else most of the time, but when it came to this particular issue, he was completely clueless.

Ginji sighed and turned to his closest, dearest friend. "Ban-chan…" He didn't get any further. He couldn't speak with his friend's tongue so far down his throat. When Ban finally pulled away, Ginji sighed again and asked, "can we not do this tonight?"

Ban moved a little further away from him, hurt. "I'm not trying to force you to do anything. I'm sorry if it seems that way." He looked down, his expression nearly screaming at Ginji that he was falling deeper into depression. He couldn't stand seeing Ban like this. He was normally so care-free, or at least seemed that way to those who didn't know him like Ginji did. He acted like he didn't care about anything but himself, but he cared just as much, or even more than Ginji did about people. He just didn't know how to show it.

Ginji moved toward him slowly, raising his hand to caress the brunette's cheek gently. Ban closed his eyes and leaned into that caress, another of those small shows of affection that he only showed to Ginji and only in very rare circumstances. Ginji moved closer still and pulled Ban down on top of him, surprising the blue-eyed boy. He hugged him close, loving the mixed smells of soap and smoke that clung to him. Ban's cock accidentally brushed against his entrance, causing him to suck in a breath at the jolt of lust that always felt like a spark when he was with the brunette. No one had ever quite made him feel the way Ban managed to do without even trying.

The brunette looked down at him questioningly, then smiled that sexy little grin of his and lightly brushed against him again. Ginji's breathy moan sent a wave of lust through Ban, causing his cock to lengthen and his nipples to harden. The brunette placed himself firmly between the blond's legs, continuing to gently brush against him while licking and nipping his neck and chest, his hands roaming all over, and eventually settling on Ginji's weeping member.

Even though Ginji always made it obvious that he wanted Ban to take him, he never had. Perhaps the brunette wanted a verbal confirmation. But Ginji couldn't put it into words, because, despite the kinds of things he said to Ban to drive the other man insane with pleasure, he was just too shy to ask for what he wanted.

So Ban always did things like this, brushing against him lightly without even attempting to push inside. Ban slowly licked down his chest, eyes locked onto Ginji's, and finally settled his mouth on the blond's cock, making him arch his back and take panting little breaths that made the brunette moan around the flesh in his mouth. Then he brushed his finger over Ginji's entrance, again not pushing at all, merely teasing despite how forcefully the blond tried to push himself onto that questing digit.

When Ban felt Ginji start to pick up his hips and thrust into his mouth, he pulled away regretfully and lay down next to the blond, turning to him and pulling him mostly with the strength of his right arm to settle between his legs. At this point, Ginji was nearly out of his mind with pleasure, and took the offered method of release. Taking himself in hand, he smoothly thrust completely into Ban's tunnel.

The brunette's stifled groan of pure pain forced Ginji's mind and body to a complete halt.

"B-Ban-chan? Are you all right?" Ginji looked down at his friend's face, sweat beading and rolling down his face, breathing erratic from the pain, and started to pull out. Ban couldn't help the scream that seemed to be pulled from the depths of his very being and gripped Ginji's shoulders tightly.

"D-don't move. Oh, God… don't move!" Ban begged. Not knowing what was wrong, Ginji could only do as asked and stayed completely motionless. After a while, Ban's breathing evened out and he tried to pull away, but stopped with another groan, agony clearly written on his face.

"Ban-chan! What did I do? What can I do to make it better?" Ginji desperately wanted to know.

"I-it's not your fault, idiot. Shit. Torn… I think something's seriously torn."

"What can I do?!"

"Hold on a second." Ban took a deep breath, grabbed Ginji's hips, and pushed them away at the same time he curled his hips toward his stomach, hoping that pulling the cause of his pain out quickly would help (rip the band-aid off quickly). It didn't. "FUCK!"

Once Ban had pulled/pushed Ginji out of him, Ginji carefully crawled next to him, trying not to jar the bed at all. "What can I do?" he asked again, looking down at Ban, who was now panting and moaning in pain, still laying on his back because he couldn't stand to move.

"Just… my medicine. My headache medicine – the narcotic one. Get me that."

Ginji barely restrained himself from jumping off of the bed and instead quickly but carefully moved away, then ran to Ban's bag. Fumbling with the zipper, he nearly tore the thing apart trying to find the medicine. He didn't know which of the three it was, so he grabbed the one he thought was right and spelled out the name for Ban, who confirmed that yes-it-was-indeed-the-correct-fucking-bottle-and-could-he-please-just-get-the-fuck-over-here-couldn't-Ginji-see-he-was-fucking-dying??!!!

Ginji shook three pills into his hand, dashed to the bed and shoved them into Ban's mouth; the brunette immediately swallowed them dry. They both sat there, one in extreme pain, the other one so worried about his friend that he was constantly on the verge of tears. He refused to release them because he knew it would hurt Ban even more to see him cry over it.

After a while, the pills finally worked their magic; Ban relaxed, gave Ginji a dreamy smile, and thanked him before drifting off to sleep.

TBC…

A/N: Probably not very good, huh? I came up with the idea the night my husband first had to spend the night away from me (a little more than a week ago now). He has to leave three days a week to do an externship (we're both in law school) and I'm stuck at home taking care of the cats (his whines that daddy isn't there) and working on my paper. Bleh. I haven't been sleeping lately either, so sorry if it is totally cracked out.

Next chapter – Ginji remembers what prompted their little arrangement and Ban wakes up drugged and horny. What's a poor Ginji to do?


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